Every great wedding starts with a great plan and every great plan starts with productive dreaming. You may have already picked up some ideas for your wedding day as you’ve attended weddings or browsed Pinterest, but one of the first steps that you should take before beginning your wedding planning is to sit down with your fiancé and write these ideas down. As you write, highlight them in order of importance to you. If you have different opinions on a certain point, discuss why you feel the way you do about it and how you can reach a compromise that will satisfy both parties. When my husband, Joe, and I were planning our wedding, one of my first bridal meltdowns was over the issue of having a seating chart or not. I had strategized for years for a solution where we wouldn’t need to have a seating chart while creating a comfortable social atmosphere for our guests. When Joe questioned this point based on traditional norm, I had to find a way to explain clearly why this was so important to me and how it could work to our advantage.

To give you a starting point for this conversation, a few of the key points to discuss are: setting, atmosphere, and style. These points tie in with each other and will help inform strategy for planning the wedding. Please note that this discussion isn’t for the purpose of setting anything in stone, but is rather a brainstorming session to give yourselves and your planning team a direction to begin planning the wedding.

1. Setting: Do you envision an indoor or outdoor wedding? Outdoor weddings will include tented and completely outdoor settings in woods, vineyards, meadows, gardens etc. Indoor options can range from churches to barns and ballrooms to warehouses. Key factors in this part of the conversation are: your willingness to create a contingency plan for any outdoor option as well as whether having a climate controlled setting is important for you. Here in New York, weather is always a question regardless of season so a contingency plan is a must unless the entire event will be held indoors. Even in indoor settings like a barn, you’ll want to research how well ventilated the space is as well as the accessibility of heating and cooling options.

2. Atmosphere: Atmosphere is a point that bridges between setting and style. The atmosphere includes aesthetic design and it also encompasses elements such as entertainment and any specific customs you would like to include. Questions to ask each other here are: “Are there any cultural or religious traditions that you’d like to honor in some way during the day?” “Do you see us celebrating with a party heavy atmosphere or would you lean towards a more social and conversational atmosphere?”

3. Style: As I mentioned, style ties in with atmosphere and the setting of your wedding. Some describing words that you could use to define your ideal day are: elegant, casual, sophisticated, relaxed, adult only, family friendly, traditional, off beat, party etc. These words are not exclusive of each other although one predominant theme will emerge as you continue to discuss your considerations for the day. One of the most important factors to discuss here is the size of your wedding. Would you like to celebrate with hundreds of friends and family or does the idea of an intimate gathering of a few of your closest people appeal to you?

As you start dreaming about your wedding, have fun with learning and making decisions together. Your wedding marks the beginning of your marriage and the planning will provide you with plenty of practice in learning more in depth what your individual preferences are and how you process through decision making. As long as you approach it with honesty and plenty of flexibility, it will be a great experience instead of following the stress filled stories that people love to tell about wedding planning.